01 December 2012

Getting Serious [on a Saturday]...

This song pretty much sums it up.  Last week I found wrote about the effect my goals and ambitions have had on my relationships.  It's something I think about a lot.  Especially lately.  Not knowing where your going to be in six months can really take its toll.  "Be still and know that I am God" runs through my head when I wake up pretty much every morning.  Easier said than done.  

Growing up, I thought I would stay in my hometown forever.  Except for maybe that phase in fourth grade when we were studying the Iditarod and I was convinced I wanted to go to college in Alaska (do they even have colleges in Alaska?).  But in all seriousness, I love my hometown.  I love the smell of the darkest, richest soil I've ever seen.  I love how you can see for miles and miles.  I love that I grew up less than ten minutes from my grandparents' house.  I love having roots.

But I also love having wings.  Somewhere along the way I developed a restlessness.  A gypsy soul.  I long to travel. To see the world...all of it.  I can't settle down yet.  Luckily (or maybe unluckily too) for me, I have chosen a career path that will allow me to travel.  Or at least the opportunity to live in different places.  I've already punched my ticket -- I just don't know what my destination is.  I know that odds are I won't be going home to my small town in Illinois.  At least not for now.  It's a strange feeling, but I'm learning to accept it.  Lord knows I've cried tears over it.  I'm going to miss my family more than words can express.  You're probably thinking, "Grebner, you already moved away from home, what's the big deal?!"  And to a certain extent you're right.  But at the same time, each time I left home, it had an end date.  A day when I knew I was coming home.  And come May, there is only uncertainty.  It's exciting.  And it scares me to death.

So I have a request -- pray for me, y'all. I've never been good at waiting.  Patience isn't my thing.  Pray that I find peace.  That I might be a little less restless.  That I worry a little less.  I love you all to the moon and back.

Here are the lyrics to this song.  They express what I cannot.

Somewhere in this lonely world  
There is a place where I belong  
And I have seen its fields and streams  
They have been revealed in my dreams
But you see I cannot settle down  
There's just too much left unfound 
I keep drifting like a cloud  
On the wind, on the wind
Loved ones and friends lost along the way 
I hope they have no ill words to say  
'Cause I have cried so many tears 
Leaving behind precious hearts throughout the years
I must keep traveling on  
To find the place where I belong 
And if I travel 'til the day I die  
I'll make my home somewhere far beyond the sky
'Cause you see I cannot settle down  
There's just too much left unfound 
I keep drifting like a cloud 
On the wind, on the wind

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